When Your College Student Is a Long Way From Home

Parents want to support their college student. The problem for some parents, however, is that they simply can’t get to campus to provide that support. College may be a long way from home.

What do you do if your student is participating in that important athletic event, playing or singing in that important concert, performing in that play, being inducted into that honor society, or receiving that award and you can’t make the trip to the college to be there? Intellectually, you know that you have no choice, but emotionally, it is difficult to know you’ll be absent.

Although nothing is the same as being able to be there in person for your student, here are a few suggestions that may help you through this disappointing situation.

• · Be sure that you tell your student how proud you are of her and that you wish that you could be there. You know that she knows, but it’s good to hear.
• · Acknowledge that this is emotionally difficult for everyone and hope that your student will understand. If you’ve been there to support him all along the way, he’ll understand that you’d be there if you could.
• · Recognize that your student may not be the only one who will not have family at the event.
• · Consider whether there is an alternative that you might be able to attend. If the conflict is the date rather than the distance, could you get to a dress rehearsal or playoff game?
• · Send something special to your student that will arrive on the day of the event. Send flowers, balloon bouquet, candygram, something out of the ordinary, to mark the event.
• · Send a special, handwritten letter expressing your pride.
• · Call your student just before or just after the event to wish him good luck and see how it went.
• · Find the family member of another student who may be attending the event and ask them to “adopt” your student. They can make a special point of seeking her out, perhaps deliver a card from you, perhaps take her out to dinner to celebrate or accompany her to the event.
• · Ask your student to take lots of pictures, or to ask others for their pictures, to send to you.
• · Ask whether the event was videotaped and whether you can obtain a copy of the tape. If a videotape is available, ask your student to sit and watch the tape with you when he comes home.
• · Recognize that, although your student will miss you being there, he has probably developed a circle of close friends and contacts who will support him. No one will ever take your place, but your student is gaining the ability to turn to others in his life for support and encouragement.

If, throughout your student’s school career, you were the parent who faithfully attended most events in which your child participated, missing an important event at college may be an emotionally difficult experience. Recognizing that there are ways that you can still show your student support may help. Remember that your student is gaining a sense of independence and understanding. He knows you care – even from afar.